That's MY sink!!!!!

“In truth, the only difference between those who have failed and those who have succeeded lies in the difference of their habits. Good habits are the key to all success.”
-Og Mandino

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. We form an excessive amount of habits over the course of our lives, many of which we don’t even realize. We establish some that are good, and some that are destructive. Sometimes it’s just the lack of good habits that allow us to fail.

Now that I’ve finished my first year of college out of the house and on my own, I’ve realized the true importance of good habits. There are certain aspects of my life that I have to do habitually or else I’ll never accomplish them. Especially when it comes to academics, if I don’t have a regimented time of when I’m going to study, it’s easy for me to forget or put it off.
But looking at the opposite side of the spectrum, I’ve also realized how habits – even decent ones – can be a bad thing. There are times that I don’t deal well with change. I easily fall into a routine, and if something breaks that routine I can get a little frustrated. I find a method that works and I stick to it religiously. At school this year, I had to adapt to a bathroom with three sinks that was shared with about fifteen girls. This wasn’t much of a problem at night, since I generally stayed up ridiculously late. There were hardly more than two people in there at once. I had one specific sink that I always used. The drain wasn’t clogged with hair quite as much as the other two, it had temperatures other than freezing and boiling, and it was just generally better. So at night I always used my sink. But in the morning, when we all got ready for classes around the same time, it got a bit crowded. The counter was covered with makeup bags, curling irons, hair-straighteners, and my sink, which happened to be the one next to the electrical outlet, was often taken. I have to admit that at first, this bothered me. After using the same sink for two weeks, I wasn’t about to switch to a different one. I just wasn’t used to it. Pathetic it may have been, but what can I say? I find refuge in familiarity.

Habits are all about balance. (What in life isn’t?) Acceptable habits need to be formed in order to avoid lethargy and falling down a slippery slope. At the same time, we also need to be willing to accept certain changes. Nothing besides God is always constant. Anyone who clings to routine and won’t step out to unfamiliar territory is going to have a really tough life. Hence the reason I’m working on this myself.
So here’s a tribute to both change and habit; may they both be present in your life, but may neither define you.

Wap!

If you have known me for any length of time you know that I am not the most outgoing person, particularly around people that I don’t know. Over the course of my high school experience God really worked on my lack of boldness. I feel that there is definitely a confidence in me now that wasn’t ever there before. However, I am still not very outgoing and I tend to battle this on a regular basis. Some of it is my personality, and I accept that. I will never be the person that always speaks what is on her mind – I will never be the extremely social person who thrives off of other people. I will probably always have a desire to think things through before I take action – I will always enjoy sitting in the background and observing what is happening without any desire to be part of it - and I’m perfectly fine with that. It’s part of who I am. But there are certainly circumstances where I wish I could force myself to be loud and almost rash. When a friend makes a stupid mistake, I sometimes feel that my firm and quiet discussion and reasoning through of their choice isn’t as effective as a wap over the head and a proverbial slap on the hand might be. And there are certainly circumstances in which I NEED to be unreserved. There are times when I sit in large of groups of people and I look for the people that I know and am comfortable with and I won’t bother to meet anyone else. Why would I need to be the one to initiate conversation with someone I have never met? I have a terrible problem with stepping out of my comfort zone. I realize that this is completely selfish. There are people out there who are searching for a friend, who are looking for someone to improve their day or just encourage them with a slap on the back, and I have the audacity to sit in my own pitiful comfort zone because I suck at initiating conversations. A friend of mine recently told me “no risk, no reward.” As elementary as that is, it’s definitely something I need to drill into my head.
So if you ever see me and notice that I’m retreating into my shell, please wap me over the head and say “Go talk to people, woman!”

George the Third

Finally, after nearly two decades, I can admit that I struggle in commitment and in following through with things that are difficult. If something seems impossible, my first instinct is to let go and find something easier. I give up too quickly. I don’t know why it’s taken me this long to admit to it.

College. I’m attending this amazing school where I know God has called me for the time being. The odds against my finances are insurmountable. My first tendency is to say “Oh well. If the money isn’t there, then I guess I should go somewhere else. Screw this!” I let go and settle for something less than what God desires for me. After several conversations with people, it finally got through my thick skull that letting go when it gets difficult equates to giving up. Amazing revelation, isn’t it? Once I sat down and sorted it out on paper (free-writing has always been the best way for me to synthesize my jumbled thoughts), I realized that I was running away from circumstances that were out of my control. It didn’t seem logical for me to stay in a place where I was not able to guarantee that I could take care of things myself. I am incessantly in awe of how ridiculously daft I can be. After being raised in the church, after thousands of sermons and worship songs declaring that God is sovereign, that he is bigger than my circumstances, that he is always in control, I still don’t get it. What are a few thousand dollars in the perspective of the eternal creator? If I believe with all my heart that Jesus holds the whole world in his hands, then why in the name of George the Third do I act as though he can’t handle my predicaments? I am speechless. I have flabbergasted myself.

But I suppose that now I am finally having the epiphany that having trust in God is most definitely a daily task. Sure, I have asked him to take control of my life, but that doesn’t mean that I have let go of it. It’s like giving someone a gift that you secretly want to keep for yourself. As you place it into their hands you stall and grip onto it for as long as possible. Here God! I give you my life! But I still want to hold it too!
We can share.

Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. Am I the only one that struggles with this? I certainly hope not, or I may have to just give in to the lies of the enemy and start drinking decaf.