Trust me.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you're just overwhelmed by the wonders that make up your life? Have you ever had a sudden realization of how, despite the negative, there are so many positive blessings in life? I find it interesting that when these sporadic moments pop into my life, it's usually accompanied with a time of difficulty. It's when I feel that the world is about to run me over, when I feel completely helpless, that I see the good. Isn't it ironic that the times when I feel helpless are usually the most help-FUL? When I realize that I can do nothing within my power to change my circumstances, it is then that I see how much faith I have placed in myself and how futile that is. After placing my plans, goals, and dreams back in God's hands where they belong, I see amazing things happen. I see the people he has placed in my life that build me up and encourage me. I see His grace and beauty in the little things. I see his mercy in regards to my own life and choices.
After continually trying to figure out my life on my own, to no avail, each time I come back to the conclusion that I am nothing without my Savior. As harsh as that may sound to some people, it's an amazing conclusion to make. It takes all of the pressure to perform off my shoulders. All I need to do is surrender to God and trust that He will always know better than I do. This is no easy task, let me tell you. Forcing yourself to be dependent rather than self-determining is an insurmountable task. But it's a heck of a lot better than running my own life. Trust me.

Journeys

I find myself wanting things I can’t have. There are times I wish my sister was closer to my age so we could have more meaningful conversations than the arguments we currently have about whether or not her clothes are coordinating. “Lexa, would you help me pick out clothes to wear today?” Of course I agree. After presenting my choice to her she wrinkles her nose and in a whiny face says “But that looks funny! It TOTALLY doesn’t match.” After nearly five years of arguing with her about clothes I’ve just about given up.
And, of course there are times I wish I had a few more siblings, just to make life more interesting. Boy would that be interesting indeed.

I also find myself impatient for things somewhere in the distant future. There are many times when I feel as though I can’t wait any longer to have my own children. I want to hold an infant in my arms and know that it’s a part of me. I want to be overwhelmed up to my ears in dirty diapers, sticky fingers, and a messy house. I want to be able to relieve my stress by laughing at the curiosity and idiosyncrasies of a toddler while consuming imaginary drinks that my daughter makes in her plastic toy kitchen.

I want to work as a nurse in a place where things are crazy-stressful. I want to give quality care to patients who need the emotional support just as much as the physical. I want to be the person in the background who takes care of the little things. I want patients to connect my name with that person who gave a smile and a few extra words of encouragement when needed.

As I sit here thinking towards the rather unforeseeable future, I realize that wishing and hoping doesn’t get me anywhere. Having goals and dreams is an excellent thing, don’t get me wrong. But even the things I feel that God has spoken into my life are quite meaningless unless I take action and do what needs to be done to get there. God has placed within me certain desires and longings, but they won’t instantaneously come to pass unless I get off my backside and do my part to fulfill his will for my life. Before I can help my patients, I have to get into a nursing program and pay for college. Before I can play one of Bach’s Concertos perfectly I need to practice piano scales and arpeggios on a daily basis. Instead of wishing for extra children in my life, I need to work more on pouring into my siblings.
Instead of being overwhelmed by everything that needs to be accomplished, I need to take it one step at a time. God tends to do more with the journeys in life than he does with the end results. I’m beginning to see that a little each day…